i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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