after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
