Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
