So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
