I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
