you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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