Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
