I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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