So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
