So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize