I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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