1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
