I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
