good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
