Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
