Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
