Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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