We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
