I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
