end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he thought i was a dude.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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