did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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