Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
