Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
