Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
