Your face is a jimmy john
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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