so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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