I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
