We're like a lot better than the average bears
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
