You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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