I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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