I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
