you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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