Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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