dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Someone came in the potted fern
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
