I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
why does every cop we meet know your name?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
