I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
