"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
