allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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