you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
