Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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