Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
