They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
