she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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