I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
