It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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