no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
