May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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