Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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