Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
