If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So many bounce houses so little time
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
