oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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