So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
