you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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