smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
