I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
