Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
