Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
