i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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