Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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