The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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