so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
