Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
