hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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