took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
They have beer where we have blood.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
