don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
