Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
