apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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